Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
