I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
