I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
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