I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Randomize
