I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
