I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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