I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
