Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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