He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
