when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
