I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
