I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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