and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
