just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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