oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Actions speak louder than pants.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
