I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
