Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Randomize
