i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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