thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
