hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Oh god it's open bar.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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