I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Randomize
