he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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