:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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