just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
