In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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