I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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