so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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