Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
