Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
