You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
