youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
