I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
