who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
