the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize