don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
