So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
