I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
