i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
