Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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