I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
