Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
