rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
