i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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