you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
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