He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Can you bring me the toilet please
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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