And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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