If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
accomplished twins. life is a go
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
