I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Green mimosas i think yes
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
