remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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