how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
