I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize