I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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