I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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