pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
