): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
