1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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