We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
