I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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