I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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