You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
