We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
