Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Randomize
