Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
