apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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