happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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