Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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