I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
