I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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