Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
