Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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