Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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