If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize